In November of 2022, I chose to walk away,

Leaving behind echoes of my presence, where my children lay.

A father's journey, not always straight or explained, 

Beckham and Kennedy had no say, but for them my affection remained.

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A protector, a leader, "the rock upon the house," I was called to be,

Vision blurred by selfish desires, my happiness was all I could see.

​Instead of trusting God, to help me endure,

I relied on myself, alone and insecure.

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The commitment to cherish, to love and to hold,

In richer and poorer, in warmth and in cold.

Bound by these vows, I chose to forsake,

Pursuing false happiness, my soul was at stake.

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Searching for joy, a fleeting shadow it became,

My heart left hollow, nobody but myself to blame.

Success a mirage, in a desert self-made,

A chase on repeat, where darkness would trade. 

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Shadowed by depression, guilt my relentless guide,

Solitude my new home, "I can do it alone," to myself I lied.

Made friends with isolation, my new found affection,

The mirror of unworthiness, casting my reflection.

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But then in February 2024, hope whispered anew

In a gathering of faith, light started to break through.

At the "Forming Men's Conference," I found a beacon in the night, 

Guided by Jon Tyson and Jefferson Bethke, God's voice shined bright.

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A flicker of hope, trusting there is something more, 

Tore my walls down, stepped through the open door.

Into a world reborn, where life dares to dance,

Embracing the journey, giving faith a second chance.

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Among 44 warriors, each facing his own battle cry,

I found my new brethren, and clarity in the why.

Worship led by Chad Bohi, life breathed into my soul,

A divine spark rekindled within, the Holy Spirit making me whole.

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Alan, Gabe, David, Chris and Jerod, a new brotherhood,

Their love, Christ's reflection, together we stood.

A divine calling to reconcile, I couldn't comprehend,

To now make amends, on God's will I had to depend.

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The journey to heal what was broken, a divine decree,

Saying goodbye to love, "are you sure Lord," was my plea.

The choice to leave, a future so bright,

While made in obedience, I still questioned if right.

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A step of faith taken, my heart was exposed,

Trusting God's plan, one chapter already closed.

An apology was given, so raw and so true,

However a life that once was, would not be renewed.

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Friendship and co-parenting, our new shared creed,

From the ruins of our past, to a future conceived.

God's eternal forgiveness, His divine reflection,

His sea of love and mercy, washed away my imperfection.

Reconciled and accepted, a true graceful gift,

In God, then each other, to Him our spirits we lift.

This journey, God's plan, a mystery not always clear,

Beyond our site, He's always working, always here.

Creativity born from turmoil, a silver lining arose,

Poems, songs and stories, from my trials I now compose.

A healing outlet, a conduit to the divine,

Holy Spirit guiding, as I write out every line.

Now at 48, a warrior for the Kingdom I stand,

Not with a weapon, but His word in my hand.

A testament of hope, my heart's narrative,

A mission of love, to guide and to give.

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Through this journey, it's become clear to me,

The essence of forgiveness, is the key to our liberty.

For in his eyes, we're never too far gone,

And because of his unconditional love, a new day is drawn.

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Though I strayed, from the vows I once made,

God's love redeems, my debts have been paid.

Co-parenting with grace, overcoming my transgressions,

A manifestation of His mercy, and His beautiful blessings.
 

My story, a testament, to His power to redeem,

A life fully transformed, for my sins are washed clean.

In His love's embrace, I found my strength renewed,

A path of hope and healing, now graciously pursued. 

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And to those who are wandering, in the shadow of regret,

Remember His love, and who paid your debt.

For through Christ's sacrifice, we walk into the light,

Out of the darkness, and into salvation's sight.

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Brandon Hokenstad

4/5/2024

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"But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir."
— Galatians 4:4-7